Purely Gratuitous

“Not That Simple”

Not That Simple

‘Bloom implies that all popular music “has the beat of sexual intercourse.” Taking exactly the same view, Steven Tyler of the hard rock band Aerosmith boasts: “It’s rhythm and blues, its twos and fours, it’s f***ing.” In general, neither friend nor foe acknowledges that the monotonous beat of hard rock (and, indeed, of much rap) is a travesty of the rich, tireless, complicated rhytms of Afro-American music at its best. All I can say to such people is, if the rhythms of good jazz, funk, blues, or gospel remind you of sexual intercourse, then — well, my hat’s off to you’ (Martha Bayles, Hole in our Soul, p. 11).
Douglas Wilson

“Smash the Complementarity”

So feminism — smash the patriarchy feminism — wants us to be ruled by harridans, termagants, harpies and crones. That sets the tone, and the pestering is then made complete by small-breasted biddies who want to make sure nobody is using too much hot water in the shower, and that we are all getting plenty of fiber. And if anyone reads these words and believes that I am attacking all women by them, that would provide great example of why we should not entrust our cultural future to people who can’t read.
Douglas Wilson

“principalities & powers”

You see the strategy. Minimize the seriousness of this, but not so that you can feel good about indulging yourself. Minimize the seriousness of it so that you can walk away from a couple of big boobs without feeling like you have just fought a cosmic battle with principalities and powers in the heavenly places, for crying out loud. Or, if you like, in another strategy of seeing things rightly, you could nickname these breasts of other woman as the ‘principalities and powers.’ Whatever you do, take this part of life in stride like a grown-up. Stop reacting like a horny and conflicted twelve-year-old boy.
Douglas Wilson

“they could not see past their cocks”

I recall one time in the Navy telling some sailors that they could not see past their cocks — my point was an ethical one, but not really a delicate one. The Bible describes such men as unreasoning brutes. They do not understand much, and what they do understand, they use to destroy themselves: ‘But these speak evil of those things which they know not; but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves’ (Jude 10). ‘Dogs can hump. What else can you do?’ Scientific or medical language is not suited for prophetic rebuke.
Douglas Wilson

“banning pink vibrators”

We are confronted with the same kind of issue when it comes to defining the sex toys you might want to prohibit. Suppose you use a broad definition, like ‘any artifact or substance that you weren’t born with, but which you use to enhance sexual pleasure.’ This gets rid of the dildos and whips and chains, which was your admirable goal, but it also gets rid of perfume, oil, classy lingerie, and a romantic dinner for two at Angelo’s. But if you go narrow in your definition, then somebody is going to ask where you get off legislating with such specificity. Nobody should want the kind of Talmudic process that could conceivably result in banning pink vibrators but okaying all the others. Nobody should want a sexual magisterium. This laudable desire is what creates pressure for an express warrant approach.
Douglas Wilson

“slapping the bitch around to put her in her place”

Suppose we went out and found some old school missionary who wanted to insist on the missionary position for everybody. Without defending his views, I nevertheless guarantee that he would be mercilessly harangued as an oppressor of women, and a hazard to the public weal. However, comma, if that same man changed direction suddenly, lurching, shall we say, and started writing about fur-lined handcuffs, blindfolds, and slapping the bitch around to put her in her place, we could probably find a place for him on the New York Times best seller list. And if he got himself some bling and an over-sized white windbreaker, shot a few people, and put a seething hatred of women into metrical rhyme, we could probably get him an invite to an Obama fundraiser.
Douglas Wilson

“make her tits bigger”

Someone might say that these scenarios are not realistic, because nobody in those categories is (currently) demanding to be served. The Moonlight Bunny Ranch guy knows not to call the ad agencies that have that little fish on their web site. Right. But the issue is the principle. Suppose he did come into my little graphics shop, and I am being advised in the back room by Powers and Merritt. They are willing to show me the way Jesus would have done it, had He been a graphic designer. My customer thinks my first draft was okay, but he came back in because he wants me to “make her tits bigger.” That’s what draws most of their clientele, he explains. Wait, I say, because I have to do a quick consult on the back room — I fortunately happen to have a couple of experts back there. What, in the column they have written, would give me the right to go back out to my almost customer in order to tell him to put an egg in his shoe and beat it?
Douglas Wilson

“A Different Kind of Spine”

But if a place can be made hallowed by ‘a widespread belief’ then Mecca is as sacred as Ground Zero. In fact, it is more sacred than Ground Zero because a ‘widespread belief’ about a false transcendent faith is going to necessarily displace a ‘widespread belief’ about a false immanent faith. Despite his not existing, Allah still outranks the pushme-pullyou baals of consumerism and entertainment. If this is all we have, rape outranks masturbation. In order to answer the transcendental claims of the Koran, we need to appeal to the transcendental truth. It is not until we put Allah and the Lord Jesus Christ side by side that the one that actually doesn’t exist will then appear at a disadvantage. Until then, if we are forced to choose between an idolatry that knows what it believes and an idolatry that is never quite sure, the latter will always give way to the former.
Douglas Wilson