Who speaks for the Lord God Almighty?

William Brock, Force of Nature

When you go to the hardware store to buy a bolt, you know exactly what you’re getting. It’s the same as every other bolt milled to those specifications, and it will accommodate any corresponding nut.

Standardized parts. They were the sine qua non of the Industrial Revolution.

But when it comes to matters of faith, religion and God, nothing is standardized. There are more than a billion Hindus in the world, nearly 2 billion Muslims, and more than 2 billion Christians “” and each religion thinks it is the one, true faith.

“We’re the chosen ones, and you’re not” is hubris on a staggering scale. At a personal level, everyone views theology through their own lens so, again, there is no standardized interpretation of God’s will.

But that doesn’t stop some folks.

Remember Fred Phelps, pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church? Convinced the Almighty was down on homosexuality, Phelps and his minions picketed military funerals with signs that proclaimed, “God loves dead soldiers.” His logic, if that’s the right word, was that God was punishing Uncle Sam for his tolerance of homosexuality.

Phelps was an odious character, and now that he’s dead, his spittle-flecked sermon of hate is easily identified as homophobia.

He wasn’t preaching the Word of God. He was preaching the Word of Fred.

Unfortunately, Phelps wasn’t an anomaly. There are plenty of preachers, pastors and parsons who purport to know what’s on God’s mind. The fact that they have microphones, amplifiers, and large, servile congregations only exacerbates the us-versus-them schism that is eroding civil society.

Take Matt Shea, for example. The erstwhile Washington state representative from Spokane Valley is trading politics for the pulpit. Last month, it was widely reported that he’d landed a new gig as campus pastor at Covenant Christian Church in Spokane.

He needed a new job because his old one, well, it ended badly. The House GOP caucus ejected Shea after he fomented armed conflict with federal land managers in Nevada and Oregon. One of his “patriot” pals was shot to death near the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, so Shea has some ’splaining to do when he arrives at the Pearly Gates.

Until then, he will be an interpreter of God’s wishes here on Earth. Remember, this is a guy who spices his oratory with dark hints of looming civil war between believers and nonbelievers.

According to transcripts obtained by the Spokesman-Review, Shea once told a congregation in northeast Washington, “When do we go on the offensive? It’s a very odd question for Christians. And the answer is pretty simple: when God says it’s time to fight.”

Don’t forget the ammo, Shea added. “Your household, you should have 5,000 rounds of .223 ammunition. You should have 5,000 rounds of .22 ammunition. You should have 1,000 rounds of handgun ammunition. That is how you arm your family.”

This man is delivering the Word of God? No, he’s delivering the Word of Matt, posing as the messenger of a Very Angry God.

Finally, right here on our doorstep, we have Doug Wilson, pastor of Christ Church in Moscow. Like Phelps and Shea, he was born beneath an intolerant star.

As his church snaps up property in downtown Moscow, exempting building after building from property taxes, Pastor Wilson presides over a theological empire of rising influence and might.

And he works hard at building his brand. There he is, trampling manfully on a gay Pride flag. There he is again, claiming homosexuality is a greater sin than slavery. There he is again, poking a stick into the eye of the transgender community.

Good ol’ Pastor Wilson, rattling them bones, riling people up, spreading the Word of God.

In truth, he’s spreading the Word of Doug. I know this because God told me He is fed up with provocative pastors claiming to speak for Him.

This is the Word of God, because I said so.

William Brock is a hopeful agnostic.