Frogs voluntarily jump in the pot, just as they stay in the pot of their own volition. And it always starts with one excuse. Just one excuse. Of course, he makes it easy by giving you the excuse, but notice how he generalizes it to make it appear more normal — “It’s a judgment call,” “Others might not agree with us,” “It’s not against the law,” “We agree with the judge,” etc. He keeps it general because if you put a magnifying glass on it, the details won’t correspond with the generalizations.

Consider, for example, the serial pedophile Steven Sitler. After 10 years of psychotherapy, with 2 different psychotherapists practicing in 2 different clinics, he shows no evidence that he understands his fundamental core problem — he’s a pedophile. He suffers from a horrifying mental disorder for which no cure exists. He has a built-in sexual drive to molest children. He cannot control this drive; he cannot eradicate it; and he cannot redirect it toward an age-appropriate partner. It’s wired into his DNA and no one can unwire it, which makes it incredibly tragic for him and for those who love him. He is helpless to stop himself and society is helpless to help him stop. Steven Sitler is beyond help.

And one would hope that after 10 years of psychotherapy someone would have helped him understand this very simple truth. One would hope that by now, at the very least, he would understand that he cannot be normalized and that he cannot ever be near children. But Sitler does not understand this. Somewhere along the way some person or persons have given him the impression that he could be normal — that he could marry and have children. Worse, they encouraged and facilitated it.

And they did this even though they know he is a sexual predator who preys on defenseless infants. One of these facilitators said it best: “Steven’s behavior was with young children and was simply predatory.” How true. Yet despite this intimate knowledge of Sitler’s predations, this facilitator oversaw the marriage of this pedophile to a graduate of New Saint Andrews College knowing they planned to have children. So he generalizes it by saying,

“Steven has never been to our worship service unaccompanied by a trained chaperone. He usually comes in shortly before the service, sits quietly, and leaves shortly after the service. Our ministry to Steven, in other words, has not been conducted at the expense of any children in our church community, or in a way that puts any of them at risk.”

But even this isn’t true because at least one child is at perpetual risk for the next 12 years unless the state intervenes to destroy this family. They must either remove the father from the home or the child — or else the poor mother must run for her life from the facilitators who put her in this incomprehensible position.

Moreover, it’s not normal to see this event happen each week. And if you are one of the persons who sees it, then you have made excuse for this just like you made excuses for all the other weird stuff that happened in the past. Of course, each excuse has come easier and easier to you, because he makes it easy. But they are excuses, and one excuse always begets another.

You are a frog in the pot. You voluntarily jumped in the water and you remain in the water of your own volition. You made excuses in the past and with this you convinced yourself that “It’s no big deal.” But it is a big deal.

Some judgment calls are no-brainers and still others are life-defining moments. And sometimes they’re both. The marriage of Steven Sitler is both.